I am starting something today. An attempt to show up a little more to the life I want. I want more space for creativity, new feelings, moving my body, a more stable mood. I want less escapism and a little less money spent. I want to worry less about work and let it happen. This is not the first time I had tried something like this, it’s not even the 10th time I’ve set up a little challenge for myself. But I’ve been sinking deep into a ‘just getting by’ space lately, with takeout containers all over my house, laundry piling up, a glass of wine every night to complement my endless TikTok scrolling. This was comforting for a little bit, but has starting to feel the emotional/spiritual dust has been accumulating a little too long and was becoming stifling. Yesterday I decided that it’s time to bend a little more towards a life that feels nourishing.
Feeling inspired, I started writing a list of all the things I would start today — no alcohol, no social media, no TV, walk for 1 hour a day, etc. A list that would launch me into being a totally new person immediately, and if experience serves, would last about 2.5 days before I let go of almost everything. The part I always forget about these ‘challenges’ is that I have to continue being a person in the world during them, working a little too much, interacting with people, being a sack of emotions. Creating these principles without who I actually am in mind, leads to lack of sustainability. So I thought a little more about what I actually wanted.
Did I actually want to not watch ANY TV? or did I want to curb the impulse to throw on a show I’d watched a million times and sit on my phone half-watching for hours so that I didn’t really have to deal with my feelings or life — pretending the habit felt restful? I changed ‘No TV’ to ‘Watch only TV that I haven’t seen before’ to give myself permission to want some restful entertainment time, but allow myself to experience something new and get excited about good art. I added ‘No screens while eating dinner’ to give myself a break in the evening in which I could hear my thoughts, be more intentional, and maybe even get a little bored — as a millennial, one of my angsts lies in the paradox that I spent many years sweeping every inch of boredom out of my life, only to find it’s essential to creativity.
Slowly, other principles started to soften and I added a list of comfort practices alongside the ‘challenge’ practices to help me along the way. “Eat something sweet”, “take a bath”, “wear something fuzzy”.
Over many failed attempts at changing habits or creating short term ‘detoxes’, I have learned a few things.
- Trying to change everything at once doesn’t work, but for me, trying to change just one thing often doesn’t work either. Since I have ADHD, if the challenge isn’t big enough for me to remember throughout the day, I will truly forget that I was simply trying to take my medicine after dinner. It has to be something I’m thinking of throughout the day in relationship with other practices.
- Starting new personal practices is always easier when my house is fairly clean. I am not a ‘cleanliness is close to godliness’ person at all, but there is something that gets in the way of my conviction when my space is completely in disarray. There’s also a reality that the tools I may need (especially in the kitchen) might be dirty if I don’t clean up. Yesterday, I spent some time cleaning up all the trash and dishes strewn around the house. It made this morning much easier.
- Tracking matters and trying again if you miss something matters. There’s a lot of science about the power of getting to check something off when you have done it and the dopamine rush that keeps you coming back. I’ve also experienced many times having a day or two where I truly forget, or my plans go awry and I’m not able to do my planned activity. Being willing to try again or change the target a little, rather than having a perfectionist attitude allows me to get back on the horse sometimes. Practicing gentle accountability with yourself will go a much longer way for your wellbeing than one day of not drinking enough water or whatever you meant to do.
- I’m sure someone who wrote a book on habits will hate me for this one. Don’t tell yourself that this is going to be a habit forever and change your life entirely. Focus on right now and know that it won’t feel completely different. 90% of your life is the same even if you stop drinking and start walking. That 10% will make a big difference but it won’t make you a new person. And the 10 days or 21 days you practiced will still have helped you even if you don’t keep the habits after the ‘challenge’ period ends. Life is lived in seasons and these practices are intentions for this season.
One of my challenge practices is to write a blog post for 30 min everyday and post it without obsessing over editing. Create for the sake of creating.
